My 27th birthday was last Saturday!
To celebrate I went to DC to visit my best friend, David, who I hadn't seen since October - note my smile gets about five times bigger in his presence!
We took a very special trip to the newly remodeled Sewall-Belmont House & Museum, home to the National Women's Party. If you know us, you know we are very passionate about the film Iron Jawed Angels and the way it chronicles the women's suffrage movement in the US; being in the actual headquarters for the National Women's Party was nothing short of magical.
Here we are standing between a desk that once belonged to Susan B. Anthony (which she later gifted to Alice Paul, founder of the NWP) and a chair that belonged to Elizabeth Cady Stanton.
That night we had dinner with my dear friend Val at Cafe Green, and the rest of the weekend David kindly humored me by acting like we were twelve year-olds having a slumber party - i.e. - listening to Hanson and "Legally Blonde, The Musical," and making matching BFF bracelets out of powerful stones (rose quartz for love, tiger's eye for courage, etc).
On the way back to Virginia Beach, I stopped in the city with my favorite salad bar - Richmond, VA (also the location where "Iron Jawed Angels" was filmed) to see Chris Pureka and Nicole Reynolds perform. Last month I was able to catch one of Chris' shows in Illinois, and I was tickled to see she was going to be in Virginia so soon after I moved back. Chris is one of my two favorite musicians, and when I tell you I listen to her albums for hours on end I mean that literally. Her lyrics are genius and her music is stunning - please go listen to her if you haven't already.
(Fun tidbit: Last year I went to her show on my birthday so this makes the second year in a row - I hope this tradition continues for years to come!)
My friend Jennifer made me a DELICIOUS dinner and joined me for the concert. The show was wonderful (as always!); Chris, Nicole, and friends were so very kind, and I was more than awake enough to safely make the late-night drive back to Virginia Beach - a perfect end to a wondrous weekend.
Recently, a friend and I had conversations about faith, religion and what those things mean to us. I think we were both feeling turned off from all the hatred and suffering people so often call Christianity, and I was searching for the wonder and love I'd felt years ago when I started identifying as a "person of faith." This post is excerpts from an email I sent after our words settled a bit and I was able to respond to some of the questions we had asked each other and ourselves during our conversations - after I rediscovered parts of the joy that used to define my every day.
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When I first "fell in love" (I don't know a better way to articulate that) with Jesus, I felt happy and I felt it was The Right Thing. Which also means I felt other religions were not -- they were wrong. I felt it gave me The Answer (and other answers) I needed - along with enough questions to keep everything interesting, mysterious, and growing. I was in my "honeymoon" phase with Jesus, which is to say - I was bursting with good intentions and had a mind full of black and white thinking. This time gave me many regrets - along with a few things I still miss about myself.
A few years ago my black and white gave way to an ever-expanding progression of gray. I'm continuing to learn I have far more questions than answers - and every answer I have comes with a new series of questions. I enjoy this! It feels true. It's been a while since I've felt my faith is The Faith, or The Only Truth, or anything similar. I just think it's my faith, one faith of many, and one that's always going to change (I hope).
After lots of thought, here are true things about my faith right now -
I love having a faith that involves worshipping someone. I don't think this is for everyone or maybe even for many, but I know it feels really nice for me. I love believing there is Someone out there who is holy and sacred and watches over everything and everyone and cares about everything and everyone. That this Someone is all-knowing and ever-present and will always be beyond my understanding in so many ways -- leaving me yearning for more and always seeking to understand more about the mysteries of my faith. I don't want to worship anyone I can fully understand because I want to worship someone greater than me in every way imaginable. Not because I have nothing to offer - but because I want to worship someone who I can constantly learn things from and seek growth through. I like believing there is someone out there greater than all of us, who cares about all of us and each of us as individuals. I feel held in that. I feel so much hope there. I feel that is the only thing (One..?) who will not let me down.
My dear friend David's faith is in ways very similar and very different to mine. He, and it, are stunning - ! He makes his own magic while staying in constant communication with the gods he believes in, continually revering them with different rituals and ceremonies. It is beautiful and magical and wondrous and miraculous. I aspire to be as spiritually connected as he is, while moving down my own path - one where I learn to pray all the time and see God in every miracle - whether I had a hand in the miracle-making or not...Something I love about faith is that I feel like, as long as it's inspiring people to seek love and compassion and kindness - it's true - regardless of what that faith looks/feels like to the person who is experiencing it.
I've thought a lot about the foolishness that comes with believing in the narrative of Christianity - that there's a God, that God came to earth as Jesus, and then died for his convictions...and I've realized I enjoy believing in that foolishness. I'm also realizing that "foolish" does not mean "stupid," and it's a story that gives me powerful hope - regardless of whether or not the story about God and Jesus has any amount of factual accuracy in it, or if it's something that rings true for me only because it's the story I grew up hearing. Whatever the reasons - it is a story I love for the hope, comfort, and care it makes me feel.
Ever since falling in love with Jesus there has not been a single moment where I did not feel and believe and know I am loved. That is the most constant experience I've ever had. Even throughout rare experiences of loneliness, I knew I was loved and I knew Jesus was near and waiting for whenever I was ready to talk with Him. He is my favorite friend. He is my chosen family. I love him a lot. And that is ridiculous and foolish and awesome and amazing and worth everything to me. Not because I need a man to save me, but because I need a really great friend who won't ever go away and who always thinks I'm OK and a masterpiece and worth loving and hanging out with. That's who Jesus is for/to me. An absolutely unfailing friend, hope, comfort, and companion.
Being with a couple of friends this past week was refreshing because they reminded me how it feels to feel Jesus everywhere. My friend Emma has such passion and excitement; my friend Ashley has such a respect and wonder for the world and its inhabitants - they both attribute these things to their faith. I respect them so much; they reminded me I can and do respect people who have faith in Christ, despite the many failings of Christianity...I feel I'm growing closer to Jesus if I'm learning to respect more - people who claim a faith, people who claim many faiths, people who claim no faith - I am learning respect can be as limitless as faith and love and kindness and peace are.
Right now, I'm relishing the faith I've found again. I'm taking comfort in knowing my closest friend truly is close, and finding hope in knowing I am growing and evolving. I'm working to be more peaceful and less judging, to listen more and talk less.
...There is so much to hear.
